Common Mistakes Made Trying To Get An Exboyfriend Back

Sometimes getting your ex back isn't about what you do, but more about what you don't do. The list of major mistakes below outlines actions you should NOT be taking after your boyfriend breaks up with you. Making these critical mistakes could easily send your ex running in the opposite direction.

Texting Your Ex

Contacting Him Too Much

The most natural reaction after getting dumped is to cling onto your relationship with both hands. In doing this, most women make the biggest breakup mistake of all: contacting their boyfriends too much. As you begin to realize your romance is over, it's only normal to want to talk your ex out of breaking up with you. This will cause him to avoid you more than ever, which in turn makes you want to keep calling and texting him until you finally get him on the phone. It's a vicious cycle that quickly spirals out of control, and makes the rift between the two of you even bigger. It also makes it more and more difficult to reconcile later on, because suddenly there will be all these bad feelings between you and your ex - all caused by a breakup that was a lot nastier than it really had to be.

You need to realize that breaking up with you wasn't a snap decision... it took your boyfriend a while to think it through, and even a bit of courage to face you with it. Once it was done he was fairly relieved, and wanted to get away from you as quickly as possible. It's not because he hates you or doesn't still love you on some levels, it's actually because he feels very weird and awkward around you knowing that you still want the relationship to continue. In some ways, avoiding you is his way of not leading you on.

Unfortunately, you'll want to keep contacting your ex boyfriend. You'll think that if you can only get him to see or speak to you, you'll be able to convince him not to break up. You might even think he's avoiding you because he "knows" that seeing you will make him take you back, and this will make you even more desperate for ex boyfriend contact. These mistakes lead to all kinds of bad situations, such as you driving past his house, leaving cards and notes on his car, and terrorizing him with endless phone calls and text-messages.

An ex boyfriend can quickly feel overwhelmed in this type of situation. Even worse, he's going to share your behavior with his friends and family, who will nod their heads and commiserate with him. Keep it up, and you'll venture into "psycho exgirlfriend" territory; a place it's very difficult to recover from. No matter what happens, try to avoid making excessive contact - or even any contact at all - with your ex directly after the break up.

The good news? Eventually you will talk to your ex again. Knowing what to say is going to be very important, because you'll need that communication to go flawlessly. Know exactly when to contact your ex boyfriend again. Making contact too early can damage your chances of getting him back.

Begging or Pleading With Him Not To Break Up With You

For a minute, think about the traits you find attractive in a man. Is he strong? Confident? Able to handle himself? Well guess what: guys like the same traits in women. Contrary to popular belief we're not all looking to rescue a helpless little girly-girl.

If you're crying, begging, and pleading for your relationship back, your ex boyfriend is going to lose all respect for you. These traits are just as big a turnoff for guys as they are for girls. How will your ex want you back if you're clinging to his leg, creating a situation where he sees you as nothing but needy and desperate?

To get back your exboyfriend, you need to exhibit some level of strength. You have to make yourself as desirable as possible, as if you've got the world at your feet and nothing can stop you. When you're looking good, feeling great, and exuding confidence to everyone around you, that type of charisma becomes irresistable to men. Your ex will notice the new you, and he'll like the changes. Being positive and staying strong will win your ex back ten times faster than crying your eyes out and feeling sorry for yourself.

Sending Your Ex Cards, Notes, Letters and Gifts

As communication between you and your ex starts tapering off, your natural reaction will be to contact him even more. And as that contact doesn't go so well (with your ex not taking your calls, blowing off your text-messages, and not answering your emails), you'll look for alternative ways of keeping in touch and letting him know your true feelings. This is where most women start writing long, drawn-out notes and letters expressing how much they love their exboyfriends.

Send Ex Boyfriend Card

The perfect card won't get back your ex boyfriend. Ditto for the mix CD... containing all the songs you shared together that you think will make him miss you. The most well-written and good-intentioned letter isn't going to suddenly make him realize he needs you, either. It's almost theraputic for you to get your thoughts out on paper, or on a Hallmark greeting card, and it makes you feel better to stamp and send these notes off to your ex boyfriend (or even worse, leaving them on his car). It creates the atmosphere that you're actually doing something, and you wait eagerly for him to read what you wrote and rush right back into your arms again.

The bad news: this is the opposite of what your exboyfriend wants right now.

You have to understand that you're actually doing these things for your own benefit, and not for his. You're writing this stuff down because it makes YOU feel better. That's okay, and there's no reason you shouldn't do it - initially after the break up, it can actually help you realize why your relationship failed to begin with. But once you've written these thoughts down? You need to crumple up or burn that 10-page note... and then forget about it. Sending it off to your ex is always a mistake.

Giving your boyfriend some time to himself is one of the best ways to get him back. It will make him miss you when he hasn't heard from or seen you in a while. Getting such a letter from you is confusing, overwhelming, and also serves to inflate his ego - giving him the strength to continue without you for a while longer. Cards and love notes always prolong the break up.

Sending or buying your ex boyfriend gifts is even tackier. Some guys will actually accept these gifts, and that's even worse behavior. When you're broken up with someone, there should be no exchange of presents. If your boyfriend's birthday happens to fall during your breakup, it's okay to call and wish him a good one. No gifts are necessary, and you shouldn't try to buy him back with something expensive that you know he wanted. Give him his space, and eventually he'll come back - gifts or no gifts.

Promising To Change Yourself For Your Exboyfriend

Most break ups happen because people grow apart emotionally, not because they're fundamentally different. You and your boyfriend were attracted to each other because you probably shared common interests, and while you dated these things helped connect you closer together. But when a guy dumps you, very often you might feel like you need to change yourself to make things right again. And this couldn't be further from the truth.

You cannot change for a boyfriend - and you shouldn't, either. The girl he fell in love with should be the same girl you are right now. Trying to fit his pre-conceived mold (or what you think his mold is) will only make you miserable and paranoid that you're not "right" for him. Being someone you're really not is phony, and will always make you miserable in the long run.

When it comes to dating, you'll always be happiest when you just be yourself. Your boyfriend will always be happiest when you're happy. Together it's a winning combo - so don't try changing it up. Pretending to be someone you're not is never the right answer, and won't help get your boyfriend back. So when you do speak to your ex? Don't utter those four awful words: "I promise to change".

Now if you did something wrong, you need to of course apologize for it. You can certainly promise to change whatever behavior wronged your boyfriend or made him unhappy. But changing the core personality behind who you are and trying to become someone you're really not is never going to work. If you're outgoing but he wants you more shy? Can't do it. Stifling yourself for your ex's benefit will lead to resentment on your part, and eventually another break up.

Putting your relationship back on track DOES require identifying what your ex perceives to be wrong and then fixing it. By communicating with him correctly you should be able to find out what these things are. If they're changeable without having to change yourself? Go for it. Let your ex boyfriend know that you recognize these areas and want to work toward making them better. Something as simple as that can really go a long way toward getting you and your ex back together again.

There are some excellent methods for communicating change to your ex boyfriend, especially if he's not talking to you right now. Find out what they are, so you can get back on track to fixing your breakup.

Staying Friends With Your Ex Boyfriend After The Breakup

This is another major area where most women don't even realize they're doing something wrong. When your ex asks to stay friends with you, it's because he's trying to let you down easy... or he's hoping to keep you around after breaking up with you, just in case he changes his mind. Both of these situations are unhelpful in getting your boyfriend back, which is why you need to reject the idea of being friends with your ex.

It looks like a good idea on the surface: you get to keep in touch with your ex, talk to him, maybe even still hang out together in a friendly way. From there, you'll start thinking you can work your way back into a girlfriend situation again. If he sees you all the time, he'll eventually realize how awesome you are together, and from there it's an easy transition back to dating again. Right?

In reality though, giving your ex such things will only give him more of a reason to stay broken up. He'll feel comfortable in knowing where you are and what you're doing at all times, and because of this he won't need you back - he practically already has you! Staying friends with an exboyfriend will also lead to resentment and heartache if you have to sit back and watch him date someone else. When what you really want is your boyfriend back? It's always best not to stay friends with him.

For tons more advice on this situation and exactly how to handle it, check out our specialized guide: My ex boyfriend wants to be friends with me.

Driving By Your Ex's House or Stopping To See Him

Do NOT stalk your ex boyfriend. I cannot stress this point enough. If he gets wind of you trying to keep tabs on him, it could destroy all of the work you've been doing to get back together with him. And if he thinks you're stalking him, he won't be very likely to take you back no matter what happens.

The problem here is that no girl ever really thinks they're stalking their ex boyfriend. They see things a lot differently. As an ex boyfriend stops calling, answering emails, or responding to other forms of communication, you might find it simple and innocent to do a quick "drive by" to see if he's home. And while this is bad enough, it usually turns into something worse and worse as time goes on. Eventually, you're full-blown following your ex around, wanting to know where he is and who he's with. It's unhealthy and it only hurts your chances of reconciliation.

If you feel the desperate need to see your exboyfriend face to face, you need to go back to the no-contact phase of winning him back. Only when you stop thinking about your ex every ten minutes and are okay with letting him have his space are you ready to once again re-establish contact with your exboyfriend. Until then, you need to stay away from him physically, emotionally, and mentally too.

"But I Already Made Some Of These Mistakes... Now What?"

If you happened to already commit some of the above errors, don't panic. Things aren't lost just yet, if you're willing to be patient and do the right thing from this point on. First, learn the #1 most overlooked secret for getting your ex boyfriend back. Knowing this key piece of information makes the entire rest of the process that much easier to accomplish, and will accelerate your reconciliation.

Next, you need to know the best ways of reconnecting with an ex boyfriend when you haven't spoken to him in a while. These reconnection techniques are some of the most effective and unique methods of turning around your boyfriend's current thinking and quickly getting him to need to again.

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