"I think we'll be better off as friends..."

Is this the line your boyfriend handed you as he broke things off? If so, what did you tell him? Did you run away crying? Or did you nod your head through the tears and tell him staying friends was somehow 'okay' with you?

Ex Wants to Stay Friends

"Let's still be friends" is never what it seems to be. Because if you think you can somehow stay friendly with a guy you're still in love with, you're in for a whole world of devastating heartbreak.

There are some hard, undeniable facts when it comes to being friends with an ex boyfriend, yet many girls will continue making this mistake thinking it will help get him back.

Let's see exactly what you get by being friends with your ex:

  The pain of seeing him without you

  The desperation of sitting around, waiting around for him to call

  The sense of sorrow and loss as he calls/contacts you less and less

  That sinking feeling in the pit of your stomach as he posts pictures of himself... with other girls

  The hopelessness of sinking deeper and deeper into the dreaded FRIEND ZONE

Sounds great, right? Of course not. Yet for some reason, the vast majority of girls in an unwanted breakup will grasp desperately for any sort of contact, like a drowning person clinging to the smallest piece of driftwood.

That's too bad, because they could be using these clean slate techniques to make their ex boyfriends see them AS A GIRLFRIEND AGAIN instead of just a friend!

Why Being Friends With Your Ex is Bad

The "mutual breakup" idealogy is a unicorn: it doesn't exist. One person ALWAYS loves the other person just a little bit more, and if your boyfriend is the one who dumped you, guess who's on the worse end of that equation?

Because of this, staying friends with an ex will only decrease your chances of getting him back. You might think that staying in touch will allow you to keep tabs on him, to stay in his life, and to make yourself seen. In reality, your ex will let you see what he wants you to see. Nothing more.

You're not going to stay in his life because he has no good reason to question the breakup. You're "friending" him, instead of working toward getting him back. It's the easiest way out of a relationship: your boyfriend gets to let go of you little by litte, g-r-a-d-u-a-l-l-y releasing you in his head until his original feelings and emotional bonds mean nothing to him anymore.

Congratulations, you're officially his FRIEND.

But is that what you wanted?

Common Misconceptions about Being Friends with an Ex

See, the problem with agreeing to be friendly after an unwanted breakup is that you're not thinking straight. You're so desperate not to lose your boyfriend, that you're willing to let a huge part of him go (i.e. the relationship part) as long as you get to keep something.

In short, you're settling. Because friendship isn't something... friendship is nothing.

• "If we're still friends, I can work my way back into my ex boyfriend's heart again..."

Uhhh... no you can't. Because you settled for a position of friendship, he doesn't see you as a girlfriend anymore.

Any attempts you make at getting him back will be weak and unsuccessful because you're totally out of position. He's not taking you seriously, because YOU yourself told him you were okay with being 'just friends'.

• "If I'm always around my ex boyfriend, he'll constantly see me, and he'll remember how awesome our relationship was, which will make him want me again."

Again, no. When your ex sees you all the time, you become invisible. He takes you for granted. This is how human nature works; there's nothing mystical or magical about it.

Want your ex's attention? YOU HAVE TO GO AWAY FIRST. Period, end of story. Only by removing yourself from his life will your ex boyfriend start missing you again.

Think about that. Every time you've ever really missed somebody it's because there weren't there. Maybe they went on a trip, or just disappeared for a while. Maybe you had a falling out and hadn't seen them in some time. Whatever it was, you missed them because they were gone. Not because you saw MORE of them.

• "If I stay friends with my exboyfriend, I can make sure he doesn't date anyone else."

This is a really bad one. One of the first, primary rules about being friends with an ex is this: no cockblocking. So either you interfere with your ex's new choice of girlfriend (in which case you'll lose your 'friend' status very quickly), or you sit there and pretend to smile while he dates someone else. And in the meantime, your heart is breaking.

After the break up you have NO say in who your ex dates (regardless of whether you think you do). He's not going to call you for advice on women, which is what you think he will do, and you're not going to be able to talk him out of dating someone "because she's wrong for you" when you know full well you're only saying those things because, ultimately, you want him for YOURSELF.

• "If we're friends after the breakup we can get romantic again. And I can use the "friends with benefits" angle to make him my boyfriend again."

This is where you're going to really get hurt.

Many guys will dangle the post-breakup friendship carrot in front of you for a very selfish reason: SEX. They like you, and they like sleeping with you, but they're just not interested in the monogamy that comes with it.

These guys will use the fact that you're still hung up over them to get you into bed. They'll call you at 2am, saying all the magnificent things you've been waiting for them to say. You'll come over, the sex will be incredible, and then ten minutes later? Your ex boyfriend will be pulling on his pants and looking for the nearest exit.

You CANNOT use sex to get your ex back. Sex comes later, after you've gone through the full, step-by-step process of making him want, need, and love you like he did in the beginning of your relationship.

There are LOTS of fast moves you can make to help get back with your ex boyfriend. Being friends with him is not one of them.

Break Up Reversed

BreakUp Reversed    by Robert Parsons
Talk about battle plan!

Breakup Reversed is a step-by-step, guidebook to re-creating the love, desire, and even lust your boyfriend felt when you FIRST started going out together.

It shows how you can change the way he currently sees you, and what techniques will bring him back to the place in his life - mentally and emotionally - where he loved you the most.

Find out how to manipulate your ex boyfriend's view of you without seeming desperate. Also learn the 12 biggest mistakes girls make immediately after a guy breaks up with them.

Which RED FLAG Situation Are You In?


Ex Factor Guide

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